The Fan Fic That Never Should Have Been
by gamerlove
Summary: The infamious thief and murderer, whom also happens to be saving the world, go figure!  Sylwyn, Syl for short  finds herself in a compromising position as she discovers a horrible creature that should have never been born. A MarySue
1. Chapter 1

The tall blonde Nord made her way through the city of Anvil casually, her mind was focused on one thing, getting to the docks and boarding her ship to Summerset Isle before it left without her. The sun was high in the crisp blue sky and as long as no one stopped her, she'd have ample time; but as luck would have it, that's not how things went.

Suddenly a shorter woman with a lovely heart shaped face and silky golden hair with pink streaks in it that fell like a water fall, crashing down to her knees, clad in some sort of strange marking pattern, had appeared in front of the Nord. "Like, hi!"

"Um, hail?" Syl said apprehensively, though it was more of a question. "Listen, if you're here about those Septims I owe…" She took a step back as she droned off.

"My name is like totally Hime Amane Chiya, which means princess, sound of the heavens, a thousand nights!" The angelic, high pitched voice said once again.

Syl cringed at the sound, "Riiiiggghhhhhtttt, good to know"

"My family was killed by Lucien Lachance who is part of the Black Hand and I'm helping Bellamont to find and kill him and during which Bellamont fell helplessly in love with me, even though Lucien is madly in love with me as well~ Along with Martin whom I knew was heir all along, Sanguine whom gave up his whoring ways to be with me, Sheogorath whom saved me from certain death, Haskill who only shoes emotion for me, Vicente because I'm also a vampire, and M'aiq the Liar who tells the truth for me! Plus I'm a princess but most of my past is a mystery to me because I have amnesia but I remember the horrible slaughtering of my family because it was too icky to forget and I watched it!" The words flew out of her perfectly formed mouth at an insane speed.

Syl took a moment to process this; then spoke once again "That's nice and all but my ship is going to leave without me if I don't board soon…so I'm just goina' go" She side stepped and attempted to continue on her path but the drop dead gorgeous girl cut her off, huge boobs bouncing in their metal armor as she did.

"But I don't know how they could all possibly love me, I'm a scarred and hideous monster!" She said in an overly dramatic way, hair blowing in a nonexistent breeze as her eyes changed from ice blue to a royal lilac.

Syl put her hand on he girls shoulder and pushed her aside as she continued on. "Uh, yeah, monster, ugly, whatever you say."

Hime Amane grabbed Syl's wrist with her delicate hand and pulled her back, pointing dramatically to a small crescent shaped scar on her shoulder. "SEE? It's so ugly!"

Syl tugged her wrist away from the girl and glared, she was beginning to get on her nerves. "Does it look like I care about you and your love life and your scar?" Syl eyed the girl's outlandish clothing, "And what in Sanguine's name are you even wearing?"

"Jealous are you? All women are jealous of my perfect figure," She paused and ran a perfect hand down her impossibly thin waist and perfectly round hips, "I'm so perfectly shaped with lush thighs and a busty chest! Plus perfect legs. Anyway I'm wearing the best armor in the world, my pet dragon made it for me." She cooed sweetly.

Syl paused, where dragons even real? M'aiq said something about them once, then again, he is M'aiq the Liar. She sighed, "You make the Dark Seducers look like stuffy ol' ladies. How old did you say you where again?"

Hime Amane clasped her hands together and giggled cutely, voice dripping with sweetness and sparkles. "I'm fifteen, and I'm already the greatest adventurer, assassin, thief, dancer, singer, artist and ruler to ever grace the Earth!"

_What in Sanguine's name is Earth?_ Syl thought to herself as she pondered for a split second, then it occurred to her, "Hold on, you said you where a vampire, why aren't you bursting into flames?"

"I SPARKLE!" Hime Amane shouted at the top of her lungs, making the innocent people of Anvil look over in curiosity.

Syl looked at her strangely, "Yer a loony." And with that she began to walk away with her long strides once again, debating rather to run or not.

Hime Amane quickly caught up with Syl, "You're my new body guard!" She shouted once again.

Syl stopped and turned, gripping Hime Amane's small, ladylike shoulders in her strong course hands. "Listen Missy, I'm going to miss my boat if you don't leave me alone, and if I miss my boat things will not go well. If you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone." And with that, Syl shoved the girl aside and ran.

She shoved the large stone doors open and bounded onto the wooden dock and nearly fell off the edge, catching herself just in time. She saw the large majestic ship sailing off into the west, the boat she was supposed to be on. She debated for a moment the decided she could catch up with it. She prepared herself and leaped into the air in an attempt to swim for the ship. But before she could even hit the water something grabbed her and yanked her back onto the wood with incredible strength.

Syl turned and her eye twitched as she came face to face with Hime Amane once again. "By Sanguine" She cursed loudly, "you made me miss my boat! This is your fault!"

"I'm sorry" She cooed, "well now you can spend more time with me!" And with that she grabbed Syl's hand and took off running, heels of her boots thudding against the wood as she dragged the Nord along.

"What did I ever do to deserve this punishment?" Syl groaned, hiding her face from curious onlookers with her free hand. She knew she would never live this down.


	2. Chapter 2

Syl yanked her gloved wrist away from the girl's abnormally strong grip as they reached the middle of the quiet town. Hime Amane spun around, her sun kissed hair cascading down her back and bare shoulders. "What's wrong, Bodyguard?"

The Nord rubbed the temples on her skull, "I need a drink" She muttered to herself.

Hime Amane gasped, "Drinking? That's wrong!"

"Yes, so is killing and stealing but I do those things as well"

"You're a bad, bad person!" She shrieked, getting the guards attention.

Syl covered her ears from the screeching sound and cringed once again, "Tell me something I don't know." The guards where approaching and Syl looked around nonchalantly, looking for an easy way out if she needed one.

"I'm going to make it my job to make you into a good person!" She continued to scream.

"Is there a problem here ladies?" Asked a guard, his voice was low and rough.

Syl turned to face him and smiled kindly, "Nothings wrong, Sir," she began, using her sly way of stringing words together to disarm the situation, "we're just having a pleasant conver-"

Hime Amane cut her off, dramatically stepping in front of Syl and putting her arms out in a protective way, "No!" She screeched and the guards gaze turned from a kind, slightly bored expression to a glare instantly. "I won't let you near her! Take me instead! Because I know you're totally hot for my body and when you arrest me it'll lead to totally hot, kinky sex!"

Syl put the palm of her hand to her own forehead in a quick smacking motion and turned, sprinting away. She made her way past the Chapel of Dibella and burst through the doors out of Anvil. She leaped off of the bridge and stumbled slightly on the rocks below as she headed for the only exit not surrounded by the salty sea water.

She shuddered in disgust as she continued east on her escape. Syl had seen many things in her life time, disgusting nightmare inducing things, but that person, that thing was worse than anything she had yet to encounter. She would even dare say that she wouldn't kill another person as long as she never had to see that thing again.

The sun began to fall behind her as Syl ran against it, she was half way between Kvatch and Skingrad on the Gold Road when she heard and ecstatic, ear piercing giggle from behind her. Syl's blue eyes grew wide and she sprinted faster, desperately trying to get away from what she knew was chasing her. But, thanks to Syl's horrible luck, it was no use; she was tackled to the ground, ears ringing from the squealing voice.

"Bodyguard, I found you and just in the nick of time! You where just about to go do something incredibly stupid and I saved you!" Rang the voice Syl was becoming unwillingly familiar with as Hime Amane's hot pink bat wings fluttered happily.

"Yeah, whoopty-do, you're a real hero" Syl pushed the girl, whom was as light as a feather, off and got up, dusting herself off.

"I know I am!" She linked arms with Syl and proceeded to prance down the road.

Syl slipped away from the burning death grasp and rested a hand on the hilt of her long sword that lay on her hip as she slipped away from the road. Hime Amane followed. Syl gripped the hilt till her knuckles turned white, reminding herself to watch her temper, even though slicing the woman's head off would be so easy.

As they trudged on through the harsh foliage and Syl's thoughts on how she could even walk in those heeled boots in such a terrain where interrupted when the clear smell of sulfur hit her nose, she quickly glanced to the sky and noted as it began to turn blood red, cracking as if it was about to fall away at any second. Syl grinned. _This is the perfect opportunity to get rid of her,_ Syl thought, grinning wickedly, then she paused, considering it. _Wait, I know I'm a total bitch, but would throwing her in Dagon's realm of Oblivion be completely inhumane?_

Syl was in the midst of debating with herself as she made her way to where the gates of Oblivion would rest. Hime Amane skipped along behind her newly appointed body guard, playing with the beautiful purple flowers she had picked that where nothing in comparison to her, oblivious to the danger she was in. The grass that had wilted away or became burned and charred to a crisp re-grew in Hime Amane's perfection. Syl sneered at the sight; it was sweet enough to make her gag.

Then Syl saw it, the gate loomed in the distance. Standing up against the barren waist land it had created the Oblivion Gate seemed to cackle at them, long bloody jagged edges stuck out. Though Syl had seen and closed many of these gates, she couldn't help but shudder, feeling the massiveness of the force she was facing. Hime Amane on the other hand couldn't be happier.

"Ooooooh" she cooed, "Is that an Oblivion Gate? Are we going to go in? Oh this is going to be so fun!" She squealed.

Syl unsheathed the long sword with a 'shing' and held it in her left hand. "Yes this is an Oblivion Gate. And no, we're not going in…I'm going in, you're going to go to Skingrad and stay where it's safe." Though Syl was an incredibly violent, short tempered and otherwise bad person, she couldn't put someone else in such danger knowingly, that and Hime Amane would get in the way.

"But I wanna coooommmmmeeeeee" She wined attaching herself to Syl's right arm.

Syl glared and slipped her arm out of the girl's death grip. "Go away."

"No! You're my bodyguard and I own you!"

Syl twitched, and sprinted forward, leaping through the hellatious portal that rest within the gate, leaving Hime Amane pouting her adorably perfect pout outside of it, unprotected from the daedra that could find their way out.


	3. Chapter 3

Syl darted through the long pitch black and bloody hallways that smelled of death and destruction. She tripped on a tripwire and somersaulted out of the blades that came crashing down from the ceiling and continued on. She had been going through the main tower for what seemed like decades now, getting lost, turned around and nearly killed countless times, but in reality she was only there for close to an hour.

She reached the large bloody door that lead to the Sigillum Sanguis , she leaned on the door and pulled the equally bloody key out she had looted off a Dremora she had slaughtered and slipped it into the lock. To her surprise she didn't even need the key to open the door, for some strange reason it was already unlocked.

"By Sanguine, I went through all of that to get a damned key I didn't even need" She grumbled to herself as she shoved the door open, running into the Sigillum Sanguis, the heart of the Oblivion World.

Moving swiftly the Nord made her way up the spiral stair case thing of stretched out muscle that lead to the top where the Sigil Stone sat anchoring the Gate to the world of Tamriel. Syl's jaw went ajar and she skidded to a stop, eyes twitching as she saw that drop dead gorgeous girl standing at the top of the staircase, holding the Sigil Stone, Syl's Sigil Stone.

Everything began to shake and the flames that where being held in place by the Stone began going crazy. Syl sprinted towards the girl who giggled happily, and then everything turned white as it all fell away, Syl had leapt forward into nothingness and she fell endlessly, senseless. Syl's senses suddenly returned, and a wave of nausea passed over her as she was thrown to the ground in front of the newly closed gate.

She got up quickly and nary had time to regret the fact she almost lost her lunch as she instantly glared at Hime Amane, whom was standing there without a scratch on her, hair flowing perfectly as she cuddled the magic stone. Syl was at a loss for words, or perhaps she had too many. Her mind buzzed and soon she could barley even conjure a simple sentence.

"Are you alright?" Hime Amane asked sweetly, bouncing in place as she giggled.

"No I'm not alright!" Syl snapped, suddenly becoming animated. "I nearly fell in lava, I got stabbed by plants, I fought my way through Daedroths that tried to eat me alive and Storm Atronachs and even i Spider/i Daedra! Do you know how i afraid /i of spiders I am? Do you?" She was livid now. "And I thought I was going to get something out of it but you just swoop in like its nothing and take the Sigil Stone! It's supposed to be mine!"

"No its not" Hime Amane cooed, ignoring Syl's rage, "the Sigil Stone is supposed to be mine because it's not actually a stone at all!"

Syl twitched as she tugged at a piece of her hair, speaking through gritted teeth, "Then what is it, exactly? Please, enlighten me with your never ending knowledge"

"Well this" she cooed as she motioned to the Sigil Stone that was being kept warm in her arms, "is actually an egg, the gods sent me here so I could retrieve it!"

Syl laughed quietly, hysterically, "The gods…you actually believe in the gods? Am I the only one who doesn't in this forsaken place?" She began stomping away towards Skingrad. "And to top it off like sugar on a brain pie, you just have to keep following me around, don't you? I have enough to deal with without you around!"

"Then why haven't you killed me yet?" She countered, suddenly growing a brain.

The killer sneered and continued on without another word.

"It's because you love me isn't it?" Hime Amane screeched, suddenly loosing her temporary intelligence.

Syl groaned and face palmed herself once again, she was going to bruise herself if she kept this up. "Could you shut up for ten minutes? Please?"

"Okay!" Hime Amane agreed quickly.

She sighed heavily and quickened her pace, and right at the time she was beginning to calm down, she heard it. It was soft at first, but then it got louder. Hime Amane was singing in some strange language, it wasn't Daedric, nor Tamriel-ien. Syl tried to ignore it, but when loud outlandish music from bno where/b started playing she just couldn't take it.

"What in Sanguine's name are you singing?" Syl snapped, using the Daedric Prince of Debauchery's name in vain once again.

"I'm singing Kanashimi no Kizu of course!"

"Kada what no who?"

"Kanashimi no Kizu!" she began singing in her perfectly angelic voice once again

"Itsumademo kanjiteta kono omoi dake. Tomadou kotobakari ja. Nanimo hajimari wa shin—" She was cut off

"Gah! For the name of all that is unholy stop singing! And where is that music

even coming from?" Syl questioned, looking around. "And I thought I didn't make sense…"

"Silly close minded person" She giggled, "I'm singing in Japanese."

"I've walked or sailed every inch of Tamriel and I've never heard of that language"

"That's because it's from Japan, the best country in the world, duh!" She said as if it was so obvious.

She groaned, leaving Hime Amane to live in her own little world, they where nearing the town of Skingrad quickly and there Syl would finally be able to get rid of her newly found parasite within the relatively large and maze like city. Then a grin slowly found its way to her face as a wonderfully horrible plan began to grow inside her buzzing mind.

Hime Amane kept up with the tall Nordic woman easily as she pranced along behind her, winding through the rather dreary city as night began falling upon them, dark clouds eating up the sky like gluttons praying upon the innocent. A cold gust riled through and the people of Skingrad rushed to their homes quickly to await the appending storm, Hime Amane's eyes turned a sapphire blue color, predicting the rain.

Syl rapped three times on the wooden door leading to the mages guild and waited, slowly the door creaked open and there stood Druja, the Argonian, her lizard tail swishing back and forth ever so slightly.

"Ah, Syl, you're back."

"Good to see you too Druja" Syl said in her facetious way.

"Ooooh! An Argonian!" Hime Amane squealed.

Druja looked at her strangely, "you have a friend."

Syl laughed, "It's a sure sign of the end of the world! Oh wait, the world is ending…ah well. Is Fi here?" She asked, voice being drown out by the crack of lightning and the smack of thunder, though Druja was able to hear her

"Let me go get her." With that Druja turned around and walked off, mages robes flowing behind her.

Hime Amane and Syl walked into the magikly heated building. Hime Amane proceeded to run around, up and down the stairs looking at all the shiny objects, like a cute little kid. Syl watched her out of pure boredom, looking rather like a mother to the rest of the on lookers, who where more intent on watching the beautiful girl in the short metal skirt bend over to inspect things and set her Sigil Stone, er, egg down

A shorter woman clad in black robes that covered her body fully with a black hood and a black cloth mask that rested on her nose and draped down ran down the stairs from the living quarters and onto the main floor, nearly tripping on her feet as she did so. She quickly approached the rather bored Nord and smiled, though no one could tell.

"Syl, good to see you again, I thought you where going to Summerset Isle what brings you to Skingrad?" She asked, happy to see her long time friend.

A smile graced Syl's face and she pulled the mage into a side hug, "Ah, Fi, my favorite mage"

"Warlock" Fi corrected

"Same thing, anyway, what brings me here is I need your help."

"Of course, that's the only reason you'd go out of your way to visit"

Hime Amane suddenly appeared in front of the mage, squealing. "Like hi!"

Fi looked at Syl, "I take it this is what you need help with?"

My name is like totally Hime Amane Chiya, which means princess, sound of the heavens, a thousand nights!

"My family was killed by Lucien Lachance who is part of the Black Hand and I'm helping Bellamont to find and kill him and during which Bellamont fell helplessly in love with me, even though Lucien is madly in love with me as well~ Along with Martin whom I knew was heir all along, Sanguine whom gave up his whoring ways to be with me, Sheogorath whom saved me from certain death, Haskill who only shoes emotion for me, Vicente because I'm also a vampire, and M'aiq the Liar who tells the truth for me! Plus I'm a princess but most of my past is a mystery to me because I have amnesia but I remember the horrible slaughtering of my family because it was too icky to forget and I watched it!" She finished off, talking even faster this time around.

"Is she on Skooma?"

"Fi, if she had a Skooma problem do you think I'd be bringing her to you? No, I'd find out where she was getting the Skooma and drink it, or smoke it myself"

Hime Amane gasped dramatically once again, "Skooma?" She screeched, "You do Skooma?"

The mages looked over then cautiously began to walk away, avoiding the strange situation. Fi motioned to the door and Syl nodded, gripping Hime Amane by the shoulders and leading her out, Fi closing the door behind them.

"Well, sense I'm talking to you, Syl, I assume I know what you want."

"Money, death, more things to steal, a home, some food, and a nice big mug of cold ale would be nice."

Fi rolled her murky green blue eyes and flexed her hands as one was suddenly surrounded by flames that licked the air hungrily and the other with ice. "What shall I butcher her with, fire or cold?"

Hime Amane's crystal like eyes grew wide in that perfect heart shaped face of hers, "Kill me? No! You can't do such a thing!"

"And why not?"'

"Because I'm totally perfect and stuff! Just look at me! If you kill me you'll only prove you're just jealous because every woman is jealous of me!"

Fi, instead of choosing to bicker endlessly, drew her arms back as the magika around her hands grew more intense, she flicked her wrists forward and the spells shot forward encasing the slutty, albeit breath takingly lovely girl in their horrible powers. Her shiny eyes glossed over and she fell limp, as soon as the spells faded Syl checked for a pulse and grinned as she felt none, then to be sure, she poked her with a dagger a couple of times, no response.

"Syl, if anyone finds out about this, I'm blaming you. I'll be kicked out of the guild and all my work getting recommendations from the guild masters would have been for nothing." Fi said after a moment of pure joy, oh how she enjoyed the rush of killing.

The Nord lifted the body up and threw it on her shoulder like a sack, "That's fine with me, Fi. Now we just have to find a place to hide the body. I was thinking Glarthir's house."

"The paranoid Bosmer? Oh but his house is all away across toooowwwwnnnn" She whined as rain began to fall lightly on the empty streets that they traveled down.

"Oh quit whining, it's not like some walking will kill you.

"If I'm walking with you it may." She shot back.

"Very funny, when'd 'cha finally grow a sense of humor?"

"…You're mean."

"I love you too." Syl chuckled as they reached the tall, grey house that sat across from Salmo the Baker's house on the corner. "Alright," she began as she set the body down. "Sense you're lighter weight then me, I'm going to lift you up onto the balcony, then hand you the body. From there I will climb up, pick the lock and we will sneak in and position the body in his bed beside him." She kneeled down and cupped her hands

"Some times I wonder why I'm your friend" the other female groaned exasperatedly as she stepped onto Syl's cupped hands, putting her hand on the stone wall for balance as she was soon lifted into the air. She grasped the wooden handrail that ran around the balcony and hoisted herself up and over. "Alright, lets get this over with."

Syl picked up the body once again and attempted to hold the ankles and fling it up so Fi could grab the wrists, it was just about to work when suddenly Hime Amane's eyes opened and she giggled happily. Fi screamed, which made Syl scream, so they screamed together. Then Glarthir whom was sleeping inside happily began to scream when he heard the screams, followed by the pounding of the City Watch's feet as they ran to see what was going on.

Syl through Hime Amane aside and caught Fi, whom had leaped over the balcony edge, in her arms as she began sprinting away, Hime Amane followed easily as she pranced along. She was some how holding her egg once again, with no explanation, but hey, does she need an explanation? The watch was still coming and they seemed to be darting out from every corner, carrying their torches that cast long dreary shadows against the walls. Everyone was frenzied and no one knew what happened.


End file.
